Nearly all the radio stations that play older songs near me have started switching into all Christmas formats, and although I relish the opportunity to hear The Ronettes’ version of “Sleigh Ride” every 45 minutes (seriously, that song is pretty great), I am already getting sick of hearing commercial pap like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Stephen Colbert, who has a Christmas special airing on Friday (November 21), has realized the moneymaking potential of such tracks, and has penned his own Christmas ode, “Another Christmas Song,” about how easily you can make money off of any crappy song about Christmas. The track is pretty funny, but I’m still skeptical as to whether or not that Christmas special on Friday is going to be any good.
“Another Christmas Song” will be available digitally on iTunes as a part of A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All soundtrack, due on November 25. [Pitchfork]
LYRICS!!
Ho! It’s another Christmas song
Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song
They play for a month, Ad infinitum (Latin phrase – meaning continuously without end)
One day it struck me someone must write ‘em
So! It’s another Christmas song
Santa clause singing on naughty snow
Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe
The manger’s on fire,
The holly’s a-glow
Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho
Hey! It’s another Christmas song
Yay! Another oft’ returning (often returning)
Royalty earning Christmas song
I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem
Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em
Pay! For another Christmas song
Chestnuts glisten on a silent night
Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light
The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright
Who’d have thought the wise men look so white
You! Don’t you wanna sing along?
Too! My humble youl tide
Dreamed up pool side
Christmas song
Make it a part of your holiday cannon
Make it the heart of my retirement plan and
Do! Sing another Christmas song
BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS!
WATCH MY FEET FLY!
But wait! Who’s this?
Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat
(All children)
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat
Whoa! Just another Christmas song
No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song
Public to whom I’m so proud to have pandered
Please save my family and make this a standard
Go! Join the ever-growing throng
Who are singing
And swingin’
While my kids are clinging to the hope
My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing
From another Christmas song
© Stephen Colbert!